


True

by fallthedorkwad



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel True Forms (Supernatural), Angels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Archangels, Castiel is a Softie, Fallen Angels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heart-to-Heart, Light Angst, Lucifer (Supernatural)'s True Form, M/M, One Shot, Oneshot, Sad Castiel, Sad Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Has Questions, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Sam Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Sam has a tiny crush, Sastiel - Freeform, Sastiel if you squint, not a great story but okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 01:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16734018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallthedorkwad/pseuds/fallthedorkwad
Summary: Sam wonders what Lucifer used to look like before he was imprisoned, he decides to ask the only angel he knows.





	True

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my favorite thing I've written but it felt good to write a bit, hope you like it! If you'd like more oneshots let me know, thank you!

True

Sam Winchester had seen Lucifer’s true face, his true self. The archangel used to be beautiful, but his prison in hell and his war with his own kind had disfigured him to the point of being hardly recognizable. If Sam hadn’t been being tortured for his ‘sin’ of saving the world, he would’ve maybe felt a sliver of sadness for the beast locked in the cage. One that had loved so dearly, only to be scared for it. Perhaps that's why Sam was the true vessel, because he too had loved dearly and had been torn apart for it. He loved his brother, his world, his family, and an angel, only to fall while being thrown into the fire for it.

However, after nights of thinking and seeing Lucifer’s face he wondered what he looked like before he became a prisoner to his own mind. Before he rotted and suffered millions of years alone. He only knew one angel, well one that was still alive at least. Perhaps Castiel had seen him, could shed some light on Lucifer’s once beautiful self. By no means did Sam intend to forgive Lucifer for what he’d done, but curiosity was often born of people’s darkest moments. Maybe this would give him closure in some way, give him a sense that Lucifer was just like anyone else; and just like anyone else, he could be defeated.

Sam waited until his brother was asleep in the bunker, he could hear the heavy snores as he passed by the door. The hunter knew Castiel was here, doing what exactly Sam didn’t know, but he was here. Sam peeked around the corner, the angel concentrating on a small black book in front of him.

“Sam, why are you awake? Your body needs rest.” Castiel didn’t turn around, he didn’t need too, Sam knew that. He had probably heard Sam walking down the hall long before the Winchester realized. “Do you need me to help you sleep? I can if you’d like.” Sam smiled, a small one, but a smile nonetheless. “No, I just had a question is all.”

“I assume one you didn’t want Dean to hear then?” Castiel finally put the book down, turning toward him in his chair. His hair was messy, as if he’d ran his hands through it. Sam could barely imagine such a thing, seeing as Castiel had never done it before. The angel looked somewhat comfortable, his posture loose and eyelids hanging heavy as if in a trance. Sam wondered if angels could actually sleep or if they just simply chose not too. That was a question he could ask later though, for now Sam walked over to the chair beside his friend and sat down. He’d never had Dean’s awareness of personal space toward the angel, in fact it was welcomed. One could say that the young Winchester was touch starved.

“Yeah, I mean, he’d just find it weird…” Sam glanced over at Cas, a small smirk playing on his lips as he saw what book the angel was reading. “The Bible? You probably have that thing memorized don’t you?”

Castiel turned back toward the book, looking at it with strange, sorrowful eyes. Sam felt a pang of regret for asking something that made the angel so upset. “Well yes, along with the Torah and the Quran, I am an angel of the Lord... But I find it interesting to see it truly from a human perspective... If we’re being honest, it gets more things wrong than it gets right.”

Sam watched as Castiel put the book away in an inside pocket in his trench coat. “Is it Jimmy’s?”

The angel nodded. “I keep it for him, in a vain attempt to makeup for what I’ve done to his life.” Sam was about to say something along the lines of ‘you didn’t know’ before Castiel turned to him, large blue eyes that had once flamed with battle were now soft and glassy. “What was your question, Samuel?”

Only Castiel ever used his full name, Samuel. At this point it was almost like a nickname instead of his real one. He would talk to Cas about his vessel at another time, Sam desperately wanted to ask him about Lucifer.

“Did… did you ever see Lucifer? Before his fall from Heaven?”

Castiel frowned, tilting his head like a puppy ever so slightly. “What do you mean, Sam? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Sam sucked in a breath, his palms getting sweaty under the angel’s attentive stare. “Like, his true self. He was said to be beautiful- But after the imprisonment he became disfigured and stuff? He became... Satan.”

Realization dawned on the angel’s face before a dark look crossed his face and Cas sighed. “I only saw him briefly, not enough to see exactly what he looked like. I’m sorry, Sam.”

Sam felt his chest deflate, a heavy weight of disappointment settled on his shoulders. “It’s fine, I really shouldn’t have asked.” But before Sam could get up Castiel spoke again. “Though, Gabriel described him to me. I asked him once, what his brothers looked like.”

“You knew Gabriel? Before us, I mean.” Sam’s voice came out in more disbelief than he intended. Cas had been a soldier, why would he know an archangel? As far as Sam was aware Cas had never been that high on the ranks… Castiel grinned, in his small way. A Cas grin, one that was different from everyone else because Cas was different, and not just because he was an angel but because he was simply Castiel. Because he was his friend.

“Oh yes, in fact, Gabriel raised me.” The disbelief in Sam’s heart changed so suddenly to a deep regret that Sam could’ve sworn he got whiplash. The wistful look in the angel’s eyes were overcome with a heavy wave of sadness. Sam could guess what he was feeling, having lost a brother as well, and reached out to rest his hand on the angel’s forearm. “I’m sorry… I know how that is but-”

“There’s no need to be sorry Sam. Yes he raised me, yes I loved him, but he abandoned me when Lucifer was banished.” The venom in Castiel’s normally calm voice was like ice down Sam’s back. “He never came back until recently and now he’s gone again. This time is just more permanent. So, in the grand scheme of things it’s not that much of a change.” Castiel took in a deep breath before continuing, a new twinkle in his eye. “But he did tell me what Lucifer looked like... if you’re still interested.”

The Winchester nodded, eagerly watching Castiel rest his head in his hands. It seemed like an eternity before the angel spoke again. “He was similar to the other archangels of course, every creature has it’s base design… He was as large as this Earth itself. Six massive wings that seemed to be every color in the rainbow, and then some your eyes can’t see, until you got closer and realized they were an iridescent black. A perfect contrast to Michael. He was said to have three flaming halos made of star fire, like a crown above his heads-”

“Wait, heads?”

Castiel smiled and nodded. “Yes Sam, every angel has at least three heads. Two of which are animals from this Earth while the middle one is our face… Lucifer and the other archangels however, had five heads. The middle was his own, similar to a porcelain mask with the royalty mark passed down by siblings on his forehead. Gabriel said he had three, red glowing eyes on his own face while the normal two on each of his animal heads. Gabriel told me that they were a lion with a red fiery mane, a tiger with golden stripes, a dragon with black horns, and a massive cobra with a silver star on its forehead.” The angel drew lazy lines in the air like he was painting a picture, a smile on his face. It was then that Sam realized no one had ever asked Castiel to share about his home and his life before he met them. He knew nearly everything about the Winchesters seeing as he had to rebuild them both after their deaths. Why hadn’t Sam ever thought to simply ask him to share about his life? The Winchester realized the angel must be lonelier than anyone on the planet. An entirely different culture, a language no one spoke, even a body that nobody in the world had ever seen- nobody living anyway. For the first time Sam understood that Castiel was practically an alien with no one to share anything with... Speaking in a strange language, not even knowing what simple things like pasta truly tastes like. Hell, the angel was in a body completely foreign to him...

“Sam? Sam, are you listening?”

“Shit, yeah, sorry Cas. Keep going… please.”

The angel nodded and continued. “Gabriel said he had five tails, one for each head that ended in fur and feathers. He said he had four arms and two hind legs. Each shoulder with another eye on it. His chest was embedded with a crystal like the rest of us, but his was shaped like a perfect diamond. It was red, he had said, with Lucifer’s grace dancing like fire inside it… He was beautiful, it was true. An amazing fighter and the deadliest angel in history. He could destroy armies of other Gods and hardly blink an eye…”

“Wow… So the archangels, they all look like that?”

“To a degree… but Sam,” Cas turned to him and gently rested a soft hand on the other man’s larger one. “He was never a good angel. He may have been beautiful but inside he was horrible. He killed for fun, destroyed stars because he could and showed his power to all those who dared challenged him… When I first heard of Lucifer I was in awe. As I grew however, I realized what he was; and I can assure you Samuel Winchester that no matter what anyone says you have never been, nor ever will be, like him.”

Sam looked away, face pulled in a grimace from the sudden heartfelt appreciation from the angel. He didn’t deserve it, why bring it up in the first place Sam didn’t know, but the familiar feeling of self hatred and deprecation swarmed his heart like flies on a rotten carcass. “You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

The Winchester turned back to him, struggling to keep from raising his voice as he clenched his jaw. “You don’t, Cas.”

“I do. Do you know how?” The angel leaned closer, gently pressing a soft hand to Sam’s stubble covered face and warming cheek. “I know because you have sacrificed yourself time and time again, paid the price for things you never did so that someone else wouldn’t have too. Lucifer would never do that, I promise you… I know it more of as a fact actually. I’ve spent more time than you may believe with him.” Sam opened his mouth to say something about the last statement but the angel smiled gently before pressing two fingers to Sam’s forehead. Instantly the man fell into a deep, peaceful, twelve hour rest. Castiel picked him up carefully and carried the large man to his room. As he settled Sam down under the sheets and blankets he brushed rouge hair strands away from his face. As peaceful breathing assured Castiel that everything was alright, he left, quietly shutting the door behind him. 

As the angel sat back down in his seat he pulled the Bible from his trench coat once more. If Sam didn’t believe that everything that had happened was a dream, then Castiel would answer as many questions as Sam wanted.

Until then, however, it was time for his wards to sleep.


End file.
